First one

Well today I was reading my friends blogs and figured that if they can do it, I can to. I started thinking what would I blog about. Would people want to know and read about my day? if so why, what do I have to offer? No really influential things would come from me. I mean I am kind of a wussy but I think I put up a good front. I mean do my friends really know me? What kind of person do I present myself as? Would they like the person my wife has to deal with all the time? How true is that, the only person that knows me is my wife. Is that what life is, a big show that my wife and I get to share? I guess still after all these years who I am is still clouded to me. How do you learn who you are? I know what I would like to be. How do I make myself what I want? Do I give my wife the stick and let her mold me into what I need to be? That's not fair, easier but not fair. Can any one give me an answer? I mean God knows right? Well there is a question, what does God want me to be? I have so many questions and no answers.
Today has been slow at work and I have had a lot of time to sit here and reflect on the sermons that a couple of friends of mine have given in a series titled "The Upside Down Ways of God". I really think that these new friends of my families are really helping me in ways I never thought possible. I feel that I have a bunch of good role models that I never had before. When I say role models I mean that in a very powerful way. I have had some conversations with my wife about how marriage and life is supposed to go. What is the norm if you will. I had no one to look at growing up and was completely clueless of what it would be like. I mean I tried to fake it but ended up making some huge mistakes. Luckily my beautiful and very sweet wife stuck with me and we've had to rely on God to make our marriage stronger than ever. To see all these kind and intelligent people interacting has given me something to kinda look up too. Its not like these couples are perfect or have been married a lot longer than me its just nice to see that I am not the only one that has these issues and that they are a great help and knowledge source.

Any way kinda got on a rant there. I will save some more of my internal issues for tomorrow. Peace